It's been a while, sorry about that. I actually have been busy. I completed 4 (and got a good start on a fifth) classes in the last two months. That was almost half of what I had left!
For the first time in years, I made an active choice to be around my family. Everyone was getting together for Christmas. (Thanksgiving too, but we came later.) Remember my family is the religious, overzealous, right-wing type so this was not easy for me. Surprisingly, however things were pretty good with everyone.
We all also talked about moving because my father is a very negative influence on all of us (mother, me, twin, and cousin who lives with us). He was not a good father or husband ever. And now he's becoming a drunk. I can't stand him at all because of the lies he told us (my sister and I), the things he's said/done to my mother, and his general two-facedness and martyrdom (he complains at all the things he does but he does literally nothing.) That's the long and short of it.
Things went so well that I decided to go back to Colorado with my one sister and her family. I stayed with her for a while but now I am at her son's and his wife's house. I've always been close with her, so it's been great! My cousin (the husband) also reminds me of another cousin who I am close with, so that certainly helps!
They have three children and I recently changed a diaper for the first time in my life haha! The kids rly like me too. The younger two sing "I love Michael" almost everyday to me XD My cousin and his wife even bought me a laptop! They are very gracious and kind to me. I feel much freer to be all "gay" and funny/inappropriate here haha!
And this is where the trouble begins: my cousin's sisters always pick on his wife. I am much closer with her then any of them, so I am always on her side. Not to mention the ridiculous things they do and say! They are rude and childish and mean. One of them was about a post she had on facebook that one sis didn't agree with and "must have been targeted at her." The other was on a group text where one sis (not the same one) didn't like being on it, so when the husband joked around, she freaked out and cursed out everyone and brought his wife (aka my bff), who hadn't said anything, into it. A week later, everyone was gonna come over to their house but yet another sister sabotaged it because she wanted to play on her new xbox 1. The text sister also mentioned that she meant what she said and wasn't sorry. The other sisters are just stupid, but she's a real cunt.
I just keep wondering if I rly want to move with all the shit that goes on in my family?
Not to mention, I have heard firsthand and from others the kinds of things some family members have said. I have been called every gay derogatory term you can think of (and more). I heard they even said not to leave me alone with male teens in the family.
My sister and some other cousins/family members have been called sluts, whores, etc. many times. I have heard them talk about people this way before - the others others told me about.
I wonder how they talk about me when I'm not around. Or what they think about me. I don't want to be around people who "love me but don't accept my choices" or who "love the sinner, hate the sin" type of bullshit. My mom only a few years ago turned around and I am stilled heavily scarred from that. (Especially since if I ever bring it up, she always has some excuse.)
As usual, books are cool but not going anywhere atm. fml. Maybe after I finish these classes. I don't want to go right back into college anyways. Idk what I even want to study! (I mean, the humanities/liberal arts, but what specific degree idk.)
P.S. I didn't use anyone's names because nobody cares and for privacy reasons, obvi. I'm sorry if that makes it harder to understand :/
Listening to: youtube playlists, slow songs by Lady Gaga atm
Eating: vanilla yogurt with granola cereal in it